Today I had no plans so I figured it would be the perfect day to edit. After a couple hours of editing I could feel a headache start to come on, which is usually my body's annoying reminder that I haven't eaten in a few hours. Immediately, but reluctantly, I then started to make my way to the kitchen to see what I could eat quickly just so I could head back to my creative process as fast as possible. I saw beans mixed with some kind of fish on the stove & I headed to the fridge so I could grab some left over rice that could be eaten with what I initially saw... Talk about the most mundane meal in the history of the world. Anyway, I didn't even care because I just wanted to eat something so my hunger pangs could be quickly dissolved.
After a quick microwave warm up my meal was ready to be eaten, so I sat down, put on some music and just started to munch away. A couple messages came through on my phone but I decided to neglect them until I got back upstairs because I didn't want to interrupt the YouTube video that was playing. It was at that moment when I was eating the most uninteresting meal that I realized the stillness of the house, and the stillness of my mind- despite the persisting headache. It bought me time to search within myself and see how I was feeling at that exact moment in time. After a quick assessment, I smiled because of how I felt deep down in my soul. I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer that went something like this...
"Papa, wow... even in this moment I feel so happy. I don't even really have an elaborate reason as to why I feel this way, but I just do and I know it's because of You. I mean, I'm sitting alone, eating rice and beans and I can't help but smile at the beauty that is You that shines through my life. Funny, isn't it? Dull food, dull moment, yet still I feel joy and peace deep down in my soul. You have to be real because 3 years ago when I had no relationship with You I didn't feel this way. I would fill my days with everything else in the world that I thought could make me happy and while I did feel good during the day I would still come home to such a harsh reality at the end of the night. I would lay awake in bed before falling asleep and wonder why I felt so empty still. I would wonder why something felt like it was missing. I would wonder what I am searching for in a life that seemed like it wasn't missing anything. Thank You for giving me You, thank You for this peace that rests in my heart always, even on bad days when things aren't going smoothly, even on days when I am not feeling the best... Deep down I always have this peace and joy because I have You. Which is the greatest gift I have ever received."
"God is the one being for whom self-exaltation is the most loving act, because He is exalting for us what alone can satisfy us fully and forever. If we exalt ourselves, we are not loving, because we distract people from the one Person who can make them happy forever, God. But if God exalts Himself, He draws attention to the one Person who can make us happy forever, Himself. He is not an egomaniac. He is an infinitely glorious, all-satisfying God, offering us everlasting and supreme joy in Himself." - John Piper