Do We Have What It Takes?
The question in this title is the question I have been asking myself ever since I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Elijah. The answer to that question is easy to answer on the good days, but difficult to answer on the bad ones. It's no secret that him and I haven't been together for very long, so I am sure you can imagine that we haven't had very many bad days. The good days most definitely outweigh the bad ones. But still... That's the thing with bad days, it's so easy to forget when you are smack dab in the middle of one that your relationship is beyond this one bad moment.
I am a very strong woman and I credit my mom for that. (Thanks mama!) But I found myself in a situation in the last few days where I was not very strong. Elijah and I were arguing so the stress of that really got to me. So naturally, I am back in this place of self-protection. I have built a wall of fortitude around my heart because to be honest... Vulnerability sucks. It leaves you open to be wounded and deeply wounded at that when the person you are with hurts you.
I find myself questioning: Do we have what it takes? Do I have what it takes? I am completely aware that marriage requires selflessness, vulnerability, unconditional love, respect and a million other virtues I am still nurturing within myself. I just don't know how to nurture them fast enough. I know marriage takes work and it won't always be easy. I'm just such a punk. I hate the hard road. I'm a sucker for wanting to be safe and secure while doing the easiest thing possible. However, I am also aware that character isn't built by doing the easy things. So more than taking the easy road, I want to be a woman of great character and that desire is what keeps me committed to Elijah, our relationship, and the marriage we are about to embark on.
So although today I wasn't really feeling like I had what it takes, I do know that I want to have what it takes, and I believe that being committed to the idea of being something is the first step in getting there.
"They say they built the train tracks over the Alps between Vienna and Venice, before there was a train that could make the trip. They built it anyway. They knew one day the train would come." -Under the Tuscan Sun
Thanks for reading!