"Lord, I can't even love You without Your help."
I was watching a short video tonight where I heard Francis Chan say the words typed above. I immediately felt so moved by what he said because of the amount of humility it takes to even admit something like that. As human beings our sense of autonomy is what makes us feel in control. I have been so comfortable my whole christian walk feeling like the ONLY thing I don't need God for is loving Him. That must be the only thing I can do myself right? Loving the lover of my soul should be like breathing to me... but that's far from the truth. I realized the truth of the matter is exactly what Francis Chan stated, I can't even love God without His help.
I have always been independent at heart so being able to do things on my own has always been so comforting to me. However, I have been missing the beauty that is Christ. When I came to Him I made the choice to depend on Him for all things. There is so much beauty in being able to be honest & admit that I can't do this on my own. There is beauty in my vulnerability, there is strength in my weakness because God is able when I am not, for His grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Maybe I will stop feeling so far from Him when I can muster up the courage to be honest enough with Him... When I can tell Him that I need His help to love Him, I need Him to place that fire back in my heart, that longing in my heart for Him & only Him.
I keep feeling like God is upset with me or disappointed with me so I choose to stay in this place where I feel far removed from Him. Nevertheless, everyday I just want to get back, even if I don't pray I still find myself at some point in the day whispering to Him that I miss Him, I love Him & I need His help to get back to Him. I am aware of how much my soul needs Him.
I know that it is in Him and only Him that my heart finds complete rest...
2 Corinthians 12:9- And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.